woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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