Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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