She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize