I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
