Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
