Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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