I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
