I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Sorry my hands just texted you
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize