I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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