living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
