the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
