no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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