forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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