Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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