He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
