Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
