What a fucking waste of an outfit
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
