Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I can text with my tongue
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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