And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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