you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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