Small penises have feelings too.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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