Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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