seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
you made out with another girl for some wings
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
