So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
