after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
