The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
