can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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