are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
