Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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