I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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