Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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