Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
operation have a gay friend backfired
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
