First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize