wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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