All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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