didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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