The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
