i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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