I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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