I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He uses pillows to masturbate.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
