trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
well you can't waste a boner
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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