Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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