Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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