Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
