needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
