it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
