Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
