Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
