you told grandpa to call you daddy
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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