remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
