he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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