we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
