Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
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It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
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She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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