just come out here and I will go home with you...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
