State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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