the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
