Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
