do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
