Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
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She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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