Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
