totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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