oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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