I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
