Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
