I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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