I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize