Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
