i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
