they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Every concussion has its silver lining
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize