i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
