Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
