bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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