I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
