I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
