Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
