Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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