I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
